If you have a family history of any type of disease that runs in your family, it is likely that at some point you will have shared this information with your children. You understand the seriousness of the disease and you want to pass that information on to help reduce the risks. The problem is that many parents do not include the disease of addiction.
If dad used to come home from work and pop cans of beer until he passed out on the easy chair, odds are he was an alcoholic and if mom popped pills all the time but everyone called it “her medicine” there is a chance she was addicted as well. This could mean that there is a genetic link and an increase in the chances that other people in your family will also become addicts too.
Genetics accounts for about half the risk of developing addiction. Those with a family history of addiction, meaning one or more blood relatives has had a drug or alcohol problem, are at a significantly higher risk of suffering from addiction and other mental health disorders. Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than other children to become alcoholics themselves. They also tend to suffer from low self-esteem, poor academic performance, abuse and neglect, and other issues at higher rates than other children.
Genetics is not the only predisposition that is passed to the children. Environment, upbringing and parenting style make up the other half of a child’s addiction risk and at least parents do have some control over that. Children need to be informed that they carry these genes and the truth about their increased chances of becoming dependent on drugs or alcohol.
Just as you would talk to them about their risk for diabetes or heart disease, having your own sit downs with your child can help protect them against addiction. Educate your child about the nature of addiction so they know what they’re up against. Addiction is a chronic, progressive disease that rewires the brain’s response to drugs and alcohol. There is no “cure” for addiction, but there are various medications, support groups and therapies that can help people recover.
Explain to your children what addiction really is. It is not a character flaw or a moral failing; it is a disease and a health issue. There’s no need to make threats or attempt to scare your children into abstinence. Deliver only the facts and refrain from being judgmental or dishing out shame and blame.
You may be wondering when these conversations should start taking place. Conversations about drugs and alcohol should start as early as elementary school and no later than middle school, when children are first exposed to the concept and your influence still matters to them. Roughly one in 10 13- to 14-year-olds has used drugs or alcohol, a number that increases exponentially by the time children reach 17 or 18 years of age. You can start even younger with children by using TV shows, movies and news stories to start a discussion about the harm drugs can cause.
You have to tell your kids that while experimentation may be acceptable in some families; your children don’t have the same luxury. The “just say no” approach isn’t always effective, especially with teens, but it’s the best advice when addiction runs in the family. Research shows that teens that begin using drugs before age 14 are at greater risk for addiction than those who delay their first use until age 21 or older. So even if you can’t stop them from experimenting, you might be able to at least delay it.
Always take the front line approach of strengthening your child’s emotional, physical and spiritual defenses against addiction. A child that knows how to cope with stress and has high resilience and self-esteem will be less likely to self-medicate with drugs than a child that lacks these skills. There are many ways children can socialize without using drugs or alcohol.
If your child isn’t talking to you, you can be certain they’re talking to someone, who may or may not provide accurate information or have their best interests in mind. From the pre-teens on, your child should know your rules about drug use as well as the potential consequences for violating a rule. Kids who clearly understand their parents’ expectations, and whose parents set a good example by following their own rules, are less likely to use drugs.
It cannot be stressed enough, when addiction runs in the family the rules change. You have to know what the risk factors are, how to identify them and when to act. Just as you would take your child to the doctor for an infection or cold, talk to a substance abuse counselor, treatment center or other health care professional if you think your child may have a drug problem.
Tell your child that while none of this is their fault, this is the hand they have been dealt, just like if they had a genetic propensity for obesity, depression or cancer. Still, what is inherited, people become responsible for.
