Behind every addict there is usually an enabler nearby. Enablers are the people that are generally trying the hardest to help the addict. People do not see themselves as enablers but rather as helpers and people that care about the addicted person. Unfortunately, what these people are really doing is allowing the addiction to thrive and get worse. This is why it is crucial that enablers recognize what they are doing and stop.
Trying to stop enabling a person is not easy. In fact, it can be just as hard for someone to stop enabling as it is for an addict to quit using. Enablers are enablers by nature and are usually people that have a nurturing disposition and are very caring and sympathetic. In essence, an enabler is only protecting an addicted person from themselves and from their addiction.
People that are addicted can never truly feel the brunt of their actions as long as they are being enabled. But, every fiber of the enabler wants to help, shield, and protect the addict. The enabler somehow feels responsible for the actions of the addict. This is where stopping the enabling begins.
The enabler has to suppress the feelings of responsibility and allow the responsibility to fall on the shoulders of the addicted loved one. They need this. They have to learn that there are consequences for their choices. The enabler is providing a cushion so the addicted individual cannot hit rock bottom and until that happens, recovery cannot begin.
Enablers give their addicted loved ones their all. They lose touch with who they are and what they once believed in. Their total preoccupation is with the feelings and actions if the addict in their life. The reason that stopping enabling is so difficult is because the enabler has to stand up and refocus all of their priorities.
Enablers have to say, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I want my life back! I am going to start putting my own needs and wants first.” They have to mean it and live it. Initially, the addicted loved one will not believe that their enabler has stopped enabling them so it has to be proven through repeated efforts.
There are numerous programs available for people that have found themselves enabling. These programs offer support and treatment. This help is especially important for those enablers who have addicted loved ones that refuse to get help for themselves. Remember, as long as someone is there to offer rides, money, excuses, and other things that help addicts thrive, no differences will be made.
